The Judeo-Christian, Part VII. The Working-Class Hands of the LORD God

Fear God and keep His Commandments for this is the whole duty of man.

- Ecclesiastes 12:13

Part V. The Working-Class Hands of the LORD God

In many ways, modern man seems to have overlooked many obvious, yet vitally important parts of the Bible, most especially the very first one or two pages. Indeed, one of the strangest aspects to the beginning of the Book of Genesis is how the author Moses first discusses God, Elohim in Hebrew, who goes about creating the Heavens and the Earth and all the living plants and animals by using words alone, but then changes the subject entirely and suddenly introduces a completely different entity known as the LORD God, called Adonai in Hebrew. This particular Divine being finds Himself in the dark void that existed before Creation where the water is rising up from the depths of the Abyss, perhaps threateningly. Almost immediately, the LORD God creates His own version of a man from clay, dirt, and water, by using His hands, just like a working-class craftsman would do, and endows the little creature with an immortal soul, calling him Adam. He then places His new creation in a garden on Earth, called Eden, which He has carefully cultivated and organized, once again just like a working-class male working for a landscape company that gets His hands dirty for a living, rather than some uppity, elitist sorcerer who can create with mere words alone.

Reading Scriptures closely enough, one notices that, except for the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, the other plants and trees in the garden are not really His personal creation. Obviously, the LORD must have taken them from the surrounding wilderness that God had already created out of nothing using only the power of His words. Later, like a talented sculptor, the LORD God once again uses His hands to create different animals from the pre-existing water, dirt and clay and then has the man Adam name these new creations separately, like an expert Zoology professor teaching his young graduate student how to classify new species.

He’s got the whole world in His hands

Unlike God who, in the beginning, created life from just words and without hands, the LORD God apparently uses His hands quite often and with skilled craftsmanship. Also, like a professional surgeon and match-maker, the LORD goes on to carefully remove a rib bone from Adam, stitches up the wound, and then creates a female companion for him named Eve. Put bluntly, the LORD God may not be an omnipotent Creator like God, but He is obviously very skilled at using His Hands in a variety of ways.

When I’m out walking, I strut my stuff yeah I’m so strung out. I’m high
as a kite I just might stop to check you out. Let me go on like I blister in
the sun. Let me go on Big Hands I know you’re the one.

- Blister in the Sun, by the Violent Femmes

Throughout the centuries, some Biblical scholars, starting with the Gnostics, have come to some very strange conclusions about God, who created everything using only his voice, and the LORD God, who sculpted, tended garden, and performed medical surgery using His own two hands to perform these tasks. Because of these innate differences, some have apparently decided that the LORD God is an insane impostor god, a Devil, who is keeping us from discovering the higher, one, true God that created all life through His words in just six days. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Indeed, the LORD God’s talented use of His hands is similar to the way mankind differs from any of the other animals. Put specifically, it is man alone that has learned to use his or her hands to manipulate objects with increasing precision in order to create various types of useful, material inventions. Reading Genesis carefully, the LORD God’s hand-made designs truly indicate He has been a master-craftsman from the very beginning of creation and that, ever since Adam, mankind has been kept busy as His various apprentices and assistant journeymen along the way.

As it clearly states in Genesis, God, called Elohim, does indeed create man in His own image, but does not bother to give any of them names or help them to survive the wild and feed themselves. In stark contrast, the LORD God, known simply as Adonai, creates only one man, calls him Adam, and endows him with an immortal soul that survives biological death, taking care to give him healthy produce from the Garden so that he never goes hungry. Then, like a good father, the LORD becomes worried that His single male creation might be lonely and need a suitable partner, almost as if the LORD God had also known personally what it was like to day-dream and long for female companionship and heterosexual love.

As everyone knows, the LORD God specifically commands Adam and Eve not to eat from the two special trees in the middle of His garden called Eden. Unfortunately, the wicked serpent almost immediately seduces them both into disobedience and wicked behavior, causing the LORD to become enraged, much like a cautious master-craftsman who finds that His apprentice, along with his new girl, has just managed to ruin and destroy everything.

Using the fossil records left from past ages, scientists now believe that huge reptiles called dinosaurs were the first life-forms before any mammals, including man, came into existence. Remember that serpents are also reptiles which are directly related to the dinosaurs. With all that in mind, there seems to be a distinct possibility that highly-advanced reptile humanoids from the distant past managed to develop dinosaurs on earth, but eventually proved incapable of making them intelligent and self-aware- like the LORD God made man. The Jewish Babylonian Talmud states the following:

The higher the position the greater is the fall, and this applies to the
serpent, who, not only was the chief of all animals, but walked upright
like man, and when it fell it sank into the reptile world.

- Genesis Rabba 19

In contrast, the LORD God’s hand-crafted, warm-blooded, mammalian creation known as mankind eventually succeeded, as history as shown, just as the cold-blooded serpent’s feeble attempts at evolution, which only created extremely stupid dinosaurs, failed miserably.

Ten Commandments

In truth, man’s slow, but steady progress out of the Neanderthal caves of yesteryear is mainly due to the LORD God’s continued love and attention for His creation. Basically, the God who creates life by words alone is still the unknowable, the unthinkable, while the highly-skilled craftsman known as the LORD God, who creates immortal souls with his own two hands, has probably been the true source of our intellectual and societal advancement for thousands of years. Obviously, the LORD God of the Holy Bible is a male with hands and feet just like mankind and has probably been married to a female goddess sometime before, but is now alone and preoccupied with caring for the men and women of planet Earth. Indeed, it is the LORD God, the Father, endowed with a distinct, individual personality, who has been the hidden intelligence guiding Jews, Christians, and Muslims towards a glorious and beautiful future that still lies ahead.

A Special-Effects Photo depicting God’s Hands

May the LORD God bless you in the name of the Judeo-Christian tradition..